I have foretelling dreams.
I had a dream a year before I was diagnosed of being in a deeper basement than I knew I had in my house. In the center of this basement I was surprised to find a 4 foot wide column of walled off space. One of the walls had a large hole that I immediately wanted to repair. Inside the hole, I could see this creature, big and wormy with undulating parts. The creature was very pale, like it had never seen the light of day. It ‘floated’ back and forth peering at me with a benign quizzical eye. It seemed happy and curious. Screaming, I threw everything I could grab at it. The creature, calm, unaffected, continued going back and forth looking at me like I was an interesting lunatic. I woke up, embarrassed at my response. I wasn’t the least bit calm or curious to meet the thing. And the thing looked at me almost as if to say, ‘why so upset?’ So I drew the thing, I made prints of it, I thought of it like a mythological snake. I wasn’t wild about how the images turned out. I couldn't get the flow of it right and the drawings and prints went into the 'later' pile. I moved on, and as happens with me and my work, I forgot all about the prints and the dream.
Months later, I was diagnosed. I knew nothing about untreated Lyme, the bacteria, how systemic the infection gets, how it likes to take up residence in the central nervous system, or how the microscopic bacteria look like undulating worms, but I had a gut response that I didn’t want to rant and rail and fight. I felt I had to get to know these things, be respectful, understand something, while somehow getting them out of my body.
More than a month into treatment I came across the forgotten monster prints. I remembered the dream. I had to go lay down. Shocked to learn the thing in the dream was clearly a lyme bacteria biofilm. A year before I was diagnosed my subconscious, my body was talking to me about what was going on, what was coming, what was going to be a part of my every waking day. That explains my gut response, and I am glad I listened to that much. This whole thing is really intense, the protocol is intense and my body is intensely challenged, calm was definitely a good way to begin.
And now three months later, there is this: GET OUT.
If only I dreamt endings, right?